Married or Attached
If you want to avoid heartbreak and frustration, then dating a married or otherwise attached person is something you should steer well clear of (unless you can be sure that they are living apart from their spouse or partner). The pitfalls are countless: you risk falling in love with someone you can't have, sharing your lover with someone else can cause you to lose self respect, you may feel second best much of the time and chances are you'll become lonely and frustrated, unable to spend quality time with your lover.
Are they Really Single?
It may be that your date has conveniently 'forgotten' to tell you that they're married or attached - or even worse they've downright lied about it and told you that they're single. If so, how can you tell? There are many signs that can alert you to the fact that someone is unavailable:
- You've never been invited back to their place.
- They won't give you their home phone number.
- They rarely spend the night.
- They break dates with feeble excuses at the last minute.
- They won't meet up with you on weekends or holidays.
If your date is being evasive, make sure that you make the effort to find out why. Don't bury your head in the sand simply because you're afraid of what you might find out. Remember you deserve to have someone who's willing to make you first in their life; nobody deserves to be second best.
Less than 1 in 20 relationships born out of affairs survive; chances are, if they'll cheat WITH you, they'll probably cheat ON you.
They're Married, but ...
Of course, your date may be upfront with you about their relationship status, perhaps justifying it with one of the well-worn lines:
- "My wife/husband and I live together, but we sleep in separate rooms"
- "... my wife/husband doesn't understand me"
- "... my partner and I have an understanding"
- "I'll leave them as soon as I can sort things out ..."
Whatever reason they give, the truth is, if they're still living with their spouse or partner, then they need to sort out THAT relationship before moving on to another one. It's much better to start a relationship with a clean slate rather than be seen as the cause for a messy break-up or divorce.
Remember, if you go out with someone who is already attached, then your entire relationship is founded on lies and deceit. And if they can lie to and cheat on their spouse, then in all likelihood they will also do it to you. If you value yourself, then you need to believe that there are some truly great single people out there - why waste your life on dating someone who's not?
