Is Your Relationship Abusive?

Whilst we all know to avoid people that are obviously abusive, some individuals are very adept at hiding their personality and behaviour abnormalities. Almost all relationships start off on polite, happy and sweet terms. Otherwise why would we get involved? During this 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship, both parties are often on their best behaviour and slightly guarded, so it can be difficult to determine the type of person we are dating.

However, when our new found partner does start to let their guard down and reveal their true character, it is often after we have become much more deeply involved with them - perhaps even fallen in love. Once that happens, it can be far more difficult to be objective and make any sort of rational decision about the relationship.

It's therefore worth knowing the major signs of abuse, so that you are able to recognise them as soon as they happen. This will give you a better chance of removing yourself from the situation as soon as possible- before you become too involved.

Take a look through the following signs that your partner may be behaving in an abusive manner:

• Do they try to control you by being very bossy or demanding?
• Are they jealous or possessive toward you?
• Do they accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?
• Do they constantly keep track of your time?
• Do they lose their temper quickly?
• Do they threaten to be or are they violent towards you?
• Do they fly into a rage when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control?
• Do they discourage your relationships with friends and family?
• Do they try to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships?
• Do they prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending classes?
• Do they claim that you are responsible for their emotional state?
• Do they blame you when they mistreat you?
• Do you often worry about how they will react to things you say or do?
• Do they constantly criticise or belittle you?
• Do they make 'jokes' that humiliate, demean or embarrass you either to you or to other people?
• Have your friends and family told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being?
• Do they pressure you sexually, or demand sexual activities you are not comfortable with?
• Do they have a history of bad relationships?
• Do they destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items?
• Do they control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?

If you recognise some or all of these signs, then there are a number of support agencies and charities that can help you escape from your abusive relationship. These include:

• Refuge - a national domestic violence charity offering emergency accommodation and support for women and children experiencing domestic violence.
• Hidden Hurt - providing advice and information to those who are in an abusive relationship.
• Mankind Initiative - helping and advising male victims of domestic violence.