• Emotional Support and Respect
• Gestures and Behaviour
• Honesty and Accountability
• Responsible Parenting
• Home Life

Generally speaking, abusive relationships have a serious power imbalance, with one partner controlling (or attempting to control) most aspects of life. In contrast, healthy relationships share decision-making and responsibility and both parties show a respect for each other and any children.

Healthy Behaviour

• Being emotionally affirming and understanding.
• Listening to your partner non-judgmentally.
• Respecting your partner's right to their own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.
• Supporting your partner's goals in life.
• Valuing your partner's opinions.

Abusive Behaviour

• Checking up on your partner's activities or whereabouts.
• Controlling what your partner does, who they see and talk to, where they go.
• Cutting your partner off from previous friends, activities and social interaction.
• Demanding your partner remains home when you are not with them.
• Harassing or intimidating your partner.
• Humiliating your partner, whether through direct attacks or 'jokes'.
• Interrogating your partner.
• Making your partner feel bad about themselves.
• Making your partner feel guilty.
• Playing mind games.
• Putting your partner down.
• Using jealousy to justify your actions.

Healthy Behaviour

• Talking and acting so that your partner feels safe and comfortable doing and saying things.

Abusive Behaviour

• Destroying or confiscating your partner's property.
• Displaying weapons or threatening their use.
• Making physical threats.
• Making your partner afraid by using looks, actions or gestures.
• Silent or overt raging.
• Smashing or destroying things.

Healthy Behaviour

• Accepting responsibility for self.
• Acknowledging past use of physical or emotionally abusive behaviour, and changing the behaviour.
• Admitting being wrong when it is appropriate.
• Communicating openly and truthfully, acknowledging past abuse, seeking help for abusive relationship patterns.

Abusive Behaviour

• Making light of abuse and not taking your partner's concerns about it seriously.
• Saying the abuse did not happen, or that it wasn't that bad.
• Saying your partner caused it.
• Shifting responsibility for your abusive behaviour to your partner. (I did it because you ...)

Healthy Behaviour

• Being a positive, non-violent role model for children.
• Sharing parental responsibilities.

Abusive Behaviour

• Making your partner feel guilty about the children.
• Threatening to take the children away.
• Using the children to relay messages.
• Using visitation to harass your partner.

Healthy Behaviour

• Making family decisions together.
• Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work.

Abusive Behaviour

• Giving your partner an allowance.
• Making all the major decisions.
• Making your partner ask for money.
• Preventing your partner from getting or keeping a job.
• Taking your partner's money.
• Treating your partner like a servant.