Why Do You Want a Relationship?
Before you head back out into the world of dating, it's worth spending some time working out why you actually want a relationship and what you want to get out of it. The first question is, are you sure that you actually DO want a relationship, or are you just being pressurised by your friends, family, or even media into believing that it's the only state to be in? Although dating and being in a relationship can be fun and may have many benefits, that doesn't automatically mean that they're for everyone. It could be that there's just no room for anyone else in your life, physically or emotionally, or it could be that you're happier on your own, no matter what the circumstances.
However, if you feel that you really DO want to be in a serious relationship, or even just to date, it's important to work out why. It could be for any number of emotional, practical, physical or even economic reasons, as we shall find out below ...
To Satisfy Your Physical Needs
Along with our emotional needs, there are very often physical reasons that we want to find a relationship. Whether this involves a satisfying sex life, a kiss and a cuddle before work simply or simply snuggling up on the sofa, physical intimacy is an essential aspect of our lives. However, knowing the type of physical touch you're looking for is vital. If you're just craving sex for sex's sake, that's fine, but remember that there's more than one party involved, and it's only fair to find out what the other person expects from the relationship before satisfying your own needs.
To Combat Loneliness
Many single people feel lonely and incomplete without a partner, and just the sight of couples walking along hand-in-hand can be too much to bear. It can be difficult to listen to everyone else planning their Saturday nights and Bank holidays, knowing that you'll probably be spending them on your own. It's also hard to look forward to holidays and other events when you feel that being part of a couple would enable you to share and enrich those experiences.
However, anyone who is single should remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side, and some of those lovey-dovey couples may spend much of their time arguing and may be feeling just as frustrated as you are. It's important to make sure that you are happy with your life as it is, rather than imagining that it would become perfect as soon as you become part of a couple. There's a wealth of advice on exactly how to do that in learning to enjoy your own company.
* If you aren't happy with who you are, then it's unlikely that you'll be happy with someone else.
* A relationship will not make your life complete; only different.
* The only person who can make you feel secure is yourself.
To Fulfil a Role
Although we are now firmly in the 21st century, there are still many people who want a partner to provide them with the things they think they can't do. Although they might not admit it, many women are more than happy for their man to maintain the car, unblock the sink and fix the leaks, whilst many men may want a woman to look after them like their mum did at home, and to take on the washing, cooking and cleaning.
Even those people who are quite happy carrying out the roles stereotypically assigned to the other sex can be quite aware that two pairs of hands are always better than one when tackling the household chores. It can also be easy to see how much their quality of their life would improve if they share a mortgage with someone else, or if they had two salaries in the household rather than just their own.
Although these are all very practical reasons for finding a partner, it is important to make sure they're not your only reasons - or at least make it very clear to whoever you're intending to date that this is what you want from a partnership. No-one wants to find themselves in relationship with someone they love, only to find out that they're simply seen as an additional source of income or a laundry service.
To Find a Prop
Even if you're not lonely, you may feel that being part of a relationship will make certain scenarios in life easier to handle. Maybe you're lacking in confidence and would like the help of a more outgoing partner, or maybe you have low self-esteem and think that a partner (or at least an occasional date) would make you feel better about yourself. However, being in a relationship won't automatically make your life better and you should never expect anyone else to act as your backbone.
It's also common to want to find a partner so that you have someone to talk things over with when you get home after a bad day at work and to act as your sounding board. We've all heard that "a trouble shared is a trouble halved" and so it stands to reason that if you had someone to offload your problems on to, you would be much happier. However, in truth, it's much more likely that you'll be able to solve your own emotional problems yourself, either by thinking them through or talking them over with close friends. Never assume that a boyfriend or girlfriend will have all the answers. Whilst sharing feelings is an essential part of forming relationships, it shouldn't be the only reason for wanting to find a partner.
We asked our readers what was their main reason for dating? Here's how they responded ...
1. Love and romance (33%)
2. Marriage (18%)
3. Sex (17%)
4. Friendship (11%)
5. Sharing 6%
6. Partnership (5%)
7. Company (4%)
8. Social Life (3%)
9. Conversation (2%)
10. Other (1%)
