Who Do You Want to Meet?
Although the Perfect Man or Perfect Woman probably does not actually exist in reality, what you may find is the person who is perfect for you. This is someone who 'ticks all the right boxes' and who you could see yourself happily spending time with, now and in the future.
Your Expectations
It can often help to think through and write down your expectations. Divide it into two sections:
- "Essentials" (such as "wants a family someday").
- "Would like, but not vital" (for example, "tall" or "sporty").
Here are a few suggestions to get you started:
- Are you looking for something casual or more long-term commitment?
- If you are looking for commitment, do you want a family one day?
- What level of independence do you want? Are you looking for 24/7 togetherness or do you want to retain your separate lives?
- Do you want a monogamous relationship? Is fidelity essential or is it not an issue?
- Do you want someone near your own age or would a younger or older partner appeal to you?
- Do you admire someone who is career-orientated and driven, or would you prefer someone who puts other aspects of their lives first?
- Is instant physical chemistry vital or do you believe that it can develop in time?
- Is it important to you that you have the same levels of libido?
- Do you think it's important to share the same sense of humour?
- Do you want them to be your best friend as well as your partner?
- Do you feel you need someone on your intellectual or cultural level?
- Do they need to share the same passions as you; your love of dancing, books, hiking, football, wine, kick boxing, foreign films or reality TV shows?
- Do you mind (or want) a smoker? A drinker?
We asked our readers what they thought were the most important features of a romantic partner. Here's how they voted ...
1. Personality (37%)
2. Sense of Humour (21%)
3. Looks (18%)
4. Smile (14%)
5. Other (10%)
Refining the List
Although it's important to know what you want, it is also important not to be too exacting. The wider the variety of people you date, the greater the chance you have of meeting someone who is right for you. Focus on the really essential dating criteria and be willing to compromise somewhat on the others. Keep refining the list, trying different combinations, and you'll have of a lot more fun along the way.
Love at First Sight?
If you actually meet someone who 'ticks all the boxes', you probably won't know this at first glance; it's something that you'll need to discover gradually. Although we've all heard the stories of 'love at first sight', unfortunately it's just another one of those Hollywood myths. Although it's very possible that you can experience a number of intense emotions when you first meet someone - desire, lust, longing, a 'connection' - regrettably, love isn't one of them. Love can only be developed over a period of time, when you fully know about someone; their wonderful qualities AND their not-so-wonderful flaws. However, it may be possible to know that you could have the capacity to love someone after a few dates, but this can only develop into something long-lasting once you have really got to know each other.
As you get to know someone, they will invariably reveal certain personal habits, traits and behaviour. These may be qualities that you adore or they may be things that you simply cannot put up with. Alternatively, they may be traits that you may grow to love, but wouldn't be on your initial wish list. This is how it should be; dating is a wonderful way of learning more about ourselves and what makes us tick.
