Conversational First Moves

So there you are, at a bar, the gym, a party or even the bus stop, and you're pretty sure that you've just spotted an ideal potential date. Just how do you get the conversation going? What should you talk about? How should you act?

Getting Things Started

A pretty good way of opening the conversation is simply to say "Hi". Although it sounds simple, it's non-threatening and almost guaranteed to get a response, even if that's simply "Hi" too.

Once you have started things off, it probably best to stick to some tried and tested openers for the first few minutes. If you're at a party or somewhere where you may have mutual acquaintances, then asking how they know the host or hostess is always a good opening strategy. However, if you're at a bus stop, bar or somewhere else where there is no previous personal connection, you could try something such as "Are you local?" instead.

Always avoid clichés such as "What's a nice girl/guy doing in a place like this?" or "Do you come here often". This type of cheesy chat up lines are incredibly hard to pull off unless you manage to inject a healthy amount of irony into them.

Keeping Things Going

Once you've got the ball rolling, there are a number of ways you can develop the conversational flow:

1. Ask Open Questions

To ensure the conversation flows naturally, ask "Why", "How" or "What" questions that can't be answered with a simple "Yes", "No", or "Maybe". So instead of asking them "Do you know the host?" ask "How do you know the host?".

However, try to be careful not to bombard them with questions without actually listening to the answers. Take the information they give you to follow up and develop the conversation further.

2. Find Out About Them

Try to learn as much information about the person you are interested in as you can. Great general topics include:

• Work ("What do you do?", "Where do you work?", "Do you enjoy it?")
• Education ("Did you go to school with (so-and so)?", "Where did you study for your business degree?")
• Family ("Do you have any brothers or sisters?")
• Hobbies ("What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?", "What do you do for fun?")

You can also find out information about their favourite food, pets, birthday, holidays; anything that will help you to learn about that person and allow you to find out your common interests, hobbies and goals.

3. Following up the Answers

If you find out that they love watching films (or skydiving or reading), follow this up. Which actor do they enjoy watching the most? Which director? Did they enjoy the latest box office hit? Do they prefer quieter, art-house films? What are their favourite 5 films? The possibilities for interesting topics are endless ...

Showing Interest

When you are chatting to someone else, it's essential that you let them know that you are listening to what they say. It can be very frustrating to spend time discussing your top 5 favourite films (or whatever the question was) only to find that the other person hasn't listened to a word you've said and is already leaping to the next question on their list.

It's also annoying to talk to someone who seems to be glancing over your shoulder all the time, as it gives the impression that they are scanning the crowd for someone more interesting to speak to. On the other hand, staring unwaveringly at a person can make them feel uncomfortable, so it's essential to vary your gaze every so often. Of course - it goes without saying that it's also important to know where to look when you are not looking someone directly in the eye; if a man talks directly to a woman's cleavage or a woman seems to be fascinated by a man's bald spot, then the conversation is likely to be a short and awkward one.

If you'd like to learn more about how to show your interest in someone whilst you are chatting, why not check out the Flirting section for a wide range of tips, along with a handy guide to the essential dos and don'ts.